Drano, Please?

On my first day of college, and in my very first journalism class -- "History and Issues of Journalism" -- the late, great professor Dick Schwarzlose announced, "You don't need a college degree to be a good reporter."

He was right, of course, but a journalism degree from Medill is like a Louis Vuitton crocodile skin briefcase that is a corporate status symbol or stiletto Manolos that keep you above head-level in the club.

What you need to be a good writer is any combination of the following muses: drinking ability, lack of abandon, adventure, humour, cynicism, sardonism, wit, masochism, sadomasochism, sentimentality, inquisitivity, sensitivity. You need to have crossed the Australian Outback in a Jeep, eaten fried crickets at the Thai-Burmese border, bobbed on a raft on the Sea of Cortez, played baseball in the minor leagues, gotten thrown out of college, jobs and bars, lived above a brothel in Andalucia, tripped on acid in the Himalayas, or have your emotions on crutches.

Of course, I'm romanticising all of this (which is another inspiration for penmanship aspirations). The truth is, I sat down this morning to bang out three articles and I ended up with only three-quarters of one at 5.25pm, and my Northwestern degree is buried somewhere in a closet, under some dust and an old Ernie Pyle paperback that was a birthday present from Roxanne in 1999. Pyle must be disgusted.

There's a great track by The Thrills, one of my favourite bands, called "Till The Tide Creeps In" from their debut, "So Much For The City," and it goes something like this:

"My agent says writer's block
To keep publishers off my back
So who the hell are you to
Come in here and spoil my party?"

Well, that would be one of my employers, they who have deadlines, and I don't have an agent. So at some point on this Friday evening, I should stop sampling the Ashe's Monster Mash October ice cream flavour I just made for the first time, stop watching Kenny Rogers plough down the Yankees, and finish up at least this one article.

Right?